The holiday season often paints a beautiful picture filled with joy, laughter, and celebration. However, for many, this time of year can bring overwhelming feelings of anxiety and stress. According to a study by the American Psychological Association, 38% of people report increased stress levels during the holidays. Whether it's the rush to find perfect gifts, the whirlwind of social gatherings, or family dynamics, this time can feel intense. But don’t worry! This post is your guide to navigate through holiday anxiety with grace. Let’s explore practical tips and strategies to help you unwrap a sense of peace this season.
Understanding Holiday Anxiety
Before we dive into the solutions, it’s essential to recognize what holiday anxiety is and why it happens. Several factors contribute to holiday stress, including:
Financial Concerns: Studies show that Americans can spend over $1,000 on gifts during the holiday season. When you factor in travel and extravagant meals, it’s no surprise budgets can be tight.
Social Pressure: The expectation to attend every event or connect with relatives can feel overwhelming. In fact, nearly 45% of people feel obligated to participate in social gatherings during this time.
Reflection: The holidays can stir up past memories, amplifying feelings of loneliness or grief for many individuals.
Recognizing these factors can help you better tackle the stress and redirect your focus toward joy and celebration.
Set Realistic Expectations
One of the most effective ways to minimize anxiety during the holidays is to set realistic expectations. It is easy to get swept away in the “picture-perfect” holiday narrative; however, perfection is not attainable. Instead of striving for an ideal holiday experience, focus on what truly matters—connection, joy, and creating memories.
Consider making a to-do list that prioritizes meaningful activities. For example, if enjoying time with loved ones is top of your list, plan a simple gathering instead of a large, elaborate party. Keep it casual. Make space for spontaneity and embrace the imperfections. Some of the best memories come from unexpected moments!
INSIDER TIP IF YOU ARE HOSTING: there is bound to be someone who is tensely trying to control everything and every outcome. "Is it done yet? Do we have enough? What happens if..." Their stress and worry can easily spill over into your peace of mind. I recommend two strategies, one is outward (direct), the other inward (more indirect).
Outward/Direct: Maybe you ask them to come see the snack table, coat area, show them the tree, or a new decoration...and when you get them aside you give them a calm smile and say, "hey you seem a little tense, how can I help you feel more comfortable?"
See what they come back with and try your best to accommodate within reason. Maybe you have a quick solution for them - if so, sweet! If not, at least you acknowledged it and maybe they will "autocorrect." Either way, you are the host and you made a conscious effort to help your guests feel more comfortable. You are controlling the controllables and that is a big step to reducing anxiety.
Inward/Indirect: Try to see that they are afraid inside and imagine the pain they must have experienced when they were a child - maybe things didn't go well for them around the holidays and they are stuck in that inner cycle of assuming the worst is going to happen. If you really think about it, they are carrying some baggage inside and looking for a place to dump it. I always image them holding a "hot coal." Wouldn't you want to help them find some relief? So what can you provide for them in terms of giving temporary relief? You don't have to solve their problems, that's not your business or the purpose of the holiday season. You just have to remain calm and keep yourself centered.
Your inner calm might be the best thing for them.
Practice Mindfulness
Engaging in mindfulness practices can significantly reduce holiday stress. Techniques like meditation or yoga before the event can help center your mind amidst the holiday rush.
I'm a big fan of intentional breathing instead. This practice allows you to be present and grateful, helping you shift your focus from stressors to the joys holidays can bring. It helps me by keeping me out of the irrational response mode and into the present moment.
Here is how I do it: in the midst of chaos, look around you and breath in for about 3-4 slow seconds (don't gasp or draw attention to the fact that you are intentionally breathing). Hold it for a second or two, then slowly release it on a smooth exhale. And repeat until you are calm and present.
INSIDER TIP: Short mindfulness breaks could also be valuable during busy family gatherings. Just step away for a moment and return with a clearer perspective - go outside to throw something in the recycle bin or take a break in the bathroom to say a quick prayer for serenity (done that many times!). If things are getting too overwhelming for you head to the snack table and grab something sweet. Or head to the "juke box" or Alexa or whatever and get a good song going.
Plan Out Your Exit Strategy Ahead of Time
Planning can be a game-changer in managing anxiety during the holidays. Whether you're creating a gift list, scheduling shopping days, or mapping out your social calendar, organization leads to less last-minute stress.
Additionally, communicate your plans with family and friends. Share which events you can attend and set clear boundaries around your availability. This approach not only helps you manage expectations but also keeps you grounded during hectic times.
INSIDER TIP: drive yourself to the event/party so that you always have an "out." You can arrange this with your significant other before you head out for the eve. If you want to learn more about this strategy email me, jake@jakepaulmusic.com.
Learn to Say No
Finding balance during the holidays also means learning to say no when necessary. With inviting parties and endless social obligations, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed. Remember, prioritizing your well-being is perfectly acceptable!
Another helpful reminder: Saying "no" to an engagement doesn't mean you love anyone any less. It just means you are prioritizing your own self care so that you can be of better help, service, etc. to others in the long term. I find that when I say "yes" to too many engagements OR if I overcommit to things I tend to get sick (my immune system suffers).
When your schedule gets too packed, take a moment to reassess. Choose events that genuinely bring you joy and allow for authentic connections. Think QUALITY, not quantity.
By declining some invitations, you’re saying yes to a more peaceful holiday experience. Rushing around from one party to the next just to make everyone happy is not only stressful, but dangerous.
INSIDER TIP: Set your own boundaries ahead of time and stick with them so that you don't get caught up in a guilt trip. Anxiety, at it's root, is essentially caused by a pattern of violating boundaries. You can decide to leave whenever you want to. You have the right to change your mind at any given time.
Create New Traditions
Old traditions can sometimes feel burdensome, especially if they carry emotional weight. Since I've made a huge lifestyle change in my own line, I now look at some of our old traditions and think, why are we doing this to ourselves? Play the tape through - does this really make sense to be doing this this way? Instead of feeling obligated to stay up past midnight, for example, just for the sake up staying up late, might need a revamp. How about going to bed earlier so that you can wake up and enjoy the morning with coffee and cookies? Consider creating new traditions that resonate with you and your loved ones.
INSIDER TIP: Ask yourself two questions: Why are we doing this and who is it for? If you take a closer look at the "why" behind your current traditions, you might find a little motivation or inspiration to change them, especially if they are causing more anxiety than relief and joy.
On the flip side though, maybe there are traditions that are really important to someone in your group or family; can you "take one for the team" in this situation? For example, every year we do what I would call excessive decorating. I have a hard time seeing the celebratory purpose behind so many decorations. But when I see how important it is to the people who do enjoy this tradition, I am then able to get myself out of the way, be of service to them by helping out, thereby reducing my own anxiety.
Embrace the Season
As the holiday season unfolds, remember that it’s natural to experience a mix of emotions. Embrace the beauty of the season while being kind to yourself. Implementing these anxiety-reducing tips can foster a festive atmosphere filled with peace and joy.
Keep in mind that the true essence of the holidays lies in connection—both with others and yourself. It’s okay to take a moment, breathe deeply, and enjoy the magic of the season at your own pace. Please, just don't isolate. I believe your anxiety is trying to lead you towards healing.
Email me with questions, comments, or for support.
Happy Holidays!
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